Warm, Ballsy or Brown?

[SOURCE]

Pat Darnell and Friends says:
May 15, 2010 at 3:49 pm
It is times like these, in quests for truth, that I reach out and think “What would Lindsay Lohan’s father say?” and he might say, WWLLFS :

“The girl is such an amazing, talented, gifted and loving person. She’s been consumed by the people, the lifestyle, but you know what? Don’t give up hope. I am telling you now, if she gets the help that she needs, she is going to be right back on top, just like Robert Downey Jr.”

That is so accurate: yes she will be back on top in her new movie role as Linda Lovelace…

So with that point of departure, a father and daughter’s parallelepiped love\hate for each other… I attack the problem presented by the head gear Geek himself, Pribekstein.

But, as many of you know I don’t know shat from Shinola about the gig trade of improvisational guitar… don’t you worry — that won’t stop me. Using my rare talent as clarinetist and using local subjects in the field, for instance Ferdinand the bull, I shall test for “Warm” and “Ballsy” eh?

So I assemble my B-flat French licorice stick, with coffee stained reed, and proceed out into the field. Ferdinand is a prolific herder, Ste Getrudis bull that runs on the grouping of heifers out here. He is as docile as a butterfly, lest another bull arrives … but 99% non-judgmental.

I corner him up in the barn [metal building] and get out my milking stool. I inspect his balls to make a note of how they look before I perform the test. Everything is ship shape, and Ferdinand is happy with the five-in-one bucket full of grain at his nose.

I asked around to find a ball handler who might assist me in this endeavor, but no one had time … and my sworn enemy is unavailable, so I go it alone… if his members get warmer, I will not be certain.

I start with lowest note on the register … in bass range E .. well to tell you the truth it is a ball vibrating note … and Ferdinand does stop chewing for a moment and looks over at me…. whether things heat up — it is still to be determined. So right of the bat this is a good testing ground, by the look of it.

I run through the rest of the notes ascending and notice reactions mostly at Gb , Ab , Db , and Eb … reactions are tail swinging swatting flies, ear twitch, skin twitch, and a slinging of fodder slobber over his shoulder… good stuff !! We’re excited.

I lose Ferdinand in the higher registers until I hit a high A# …. then old boy just stops everything he is doing and bellows… maybe this is a repent, don’t know for sure. But I am almost certain his balls shrunk a little during that blast, ascending themselves into the tenore range.

Summary
This experiment was conducted to prove the warm balls sound of instrumentals, using raw, unspoilt nature as its catholic study grounds. There is an old Italian saying: “Buon festa, come sono calde le uova?” which means “Happy Day, how warm are the eggs?”

A Texas Girl




A Mexican, an Arab,

and a Texas girl are

in the same bar.




When the Mexican

finishes his beer,

he throws his glass

in the air, pulls out

his pistol, and shoots

the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In Mexico ,

our glasses are so

cheap we don't need

to drink with the same one twice.'




The Arab, obviously

impressed by this,

drinks non-alcohol beer

(cuz he's a muslim!),

throws it into the

air, pulls out his

AK-47, and shoots

the glass to pieces...

He says, 'In the

Arab World, we have

so much sand to make

glasses that we don't

need to drink with

the same one twice either.'




The Texas girl,

cool as a cucumber,

picks up her beer,

downs it in one gulp,

throws the glass into

the air, whips out her

45, and shoots the

Mexican and the Arab.

Catching her glass,

setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,

she says,

'In Texas ,

we have so many

illegal aliens that

we don't have to

drink with the same ones twice.'

God Bless TEXAS

Source of a Different Color

[Retrieved HERE]
Item Number: P427

Title: Smirnoff Vodka

Date: 1961

Artist: unsigned

Size: 10.5"x13.5"

Comments: Original color advertisment featuring Harpo Marx of the Marx Brothers. The slogan is, "When I honk for Vodka, I expect Smirnoff".

Price: $25

Condition: Excellent, single page ad also has an ad for Oasis Tobacco on the reverse side.

From Swayze with Shove

From: Jennifer.Swoboda
Date: 9/4/2006 9:00:13 PM
Subject: Your pick for the DUMBEST MOVIE EVER!!!
My personal pick for the "dumbest movie ever" would have to be "Roadhouse" with Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot. It is a favorite among male viewers in western Nebraska, so unfortunately, I've been exposed to this little cinematic "classic" waaaaaay more than I care to be! Share your thoughts on the barkers out there.
-----------------------------------------------
From: Bonnie.Nicholson
Date: 9/5/2006 8:48:45 AM
One of the dumbest movies I have ever seen is The Grudge. It was built up to be this terribly scary, exciting movie, and it was absolutely awful. The only thing scary about it was the fact that I paid $6 to go see it. There are a lot of them out there, but this one takes the cake!
-----------------------------------------------
From: John.Wyatt2
Date: 9/6/2006 7:59:27 PM
I LOVE Road House!! (Being male.) Besides, I like just about anything Patrick Swayzee has done (Even "Next of Kin").
But the worst of all time, in my humble opinion, is "Robot Monster." Even worse than Ed Wood's "Plan 9 From Outer Space!" Robot Monster has aspace monster in a lousy gorilla suit with a fishbowl helmet, chasing after this poor woman hiding in a cave. I've never been able to watch more than about 15 minutes of that turkey!
-----------------------------------------------
From: Robert.Jones59
Date: 9/6/2006 10:22:54 PM
Subject: Bugs and Clowns...
Ok I have two all time dumb/stupid/garbage/waste-o-money movies. You know the ones... the ones you rent because the original was good... or the dvd box looked interesting.
Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation: I liked the first one... all campy and looked like it was made to be silly. But the sequel... OMG it was down right garbage, bad acting, illogical stuff happening, and goofy props. Save your time and money.
Mr. Jingles: Ok the cover had a scary looking clown (like the Killer Clowns from Outerspace kind of scary). The story on the box made it sound sort of interesting and my son likes seing creepy clown movies. Well I lasted about a whole 2 minutes with this one.I looked like it was filmed on with a 80's VHS camera. And the acting, well i imagine that the actor negotiation was like "hey billy, wanna be in my movie I am filming in the morning?".
I like weird movies but these took the cake.
Robert
-----------------------------------------------
From: TAMMY.OWSLEY
Date: 9/10/2006 2:52:52 AM
Thats easy, dumb, dumb and dumber. I know..Jim carey is awesome but as much as i try I can not like that movie. I like road house though, patrick swayzee is just a bonus to the movie. Another selection of dumb movies would be all the friday the 13 movies or freddy crugar really anything that entails chopping people into pieces, i just dont get. I like a scary movie when its a good one..Silent hill was a great movie. Weird but i liked it. Oh yeah the rob zombie movies(house of a thousand corpses and ther was one more after that...oh my, something is wrong with that guy..
Tamara
-----------------------------------------------
From: Jennifer.Swoboda
Date: 9/11/2006 6:43:02 PM
Subject: Re: "Next of Kin"-LOL!
OMG! Liam Neeson has to want to crawl in a hole every time they re-run this hillbilly flick! Can you imagine? Unfortunately, this is regarded as another classic here in Nebraska. I have had the "pleasure" of seeing it at least three times. My brother is a hillbilly (for real) and he LOVES "Nest of Kin" and "Road House". You set him up with some adult beverages and a block of Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot movies and he's in heaven.
Jennifer Swoboda
-----------------------------------------------
From: Ron.Berry3
Date: 10/18/2006 6:36:27 PM
Subject: Re: Your pick for the DUMBEST MOVIE EVER!!!
Yeah I apologize I like Roadhouse only for the soul reason I like to watch people get their butts kicked. Other than that the movie was horrible. The plot was weak but it was ok I suppose.
However my worst movie I have ever seen wuld be Waterworld starring and written by Kevin Costner. Now don't get me wrong I like him some what as an actor for instance his Robin Hood Prince of Theives role he played was outstanding. But he needs not to direct or write anything in the future.
-----------------------------------------------
From: Jennifer.Swoboda
Date: 10/26/2006 8:06:47 PM
Subject: Re: My Pick for dumbest Movie isn't even out yet
This is so cool! Thanks for sharing the link with us! It is a pleasure to receive feedback from someone with first-hand knowledge of a truly bad flick.
-----------------------------------------------
From: Patrick.Darnell
Date: 11/30/2006 11:26:20 AM
Subject: Re: Report from the Middle
This is funny... well maybe humorous, and if anyone does a fact check on me I claim memory fade!
This has to do with why we remember some things and forget others. I would like to set the record straighter. The Swayze’s are not, nor have ever been, Bad Boys.
I played football against Patrick Swayze in Houston high school ball. He was at Waltrip, when I was at Lamar. He was a linebacker, my job as offense guard was to detain him as much and as often as I could, which I did easily with joy.
My connection to Swayze’s: Official Patrick Swayze International Fan Club His mother Patsy Swayze is a well known choreographer of among others; Urban Cowboy, Thelma and Louise and Letters from a Killer) ran a huge dance studio, where my sister Sylvia religiously went to class in the 60’s. My sis is a great dancer for it.
Patrick and his brother are not bad boys in any stretch of the imagination... and that is why their movies suck. I am just an average schmuck, so that has to hurt, eh?
For instance: This is the list of Patrick Swayze DANCE SCHOOL OF COMPANIES: Houston Jazz Ballet Company, Harkness Ballet Theater School, New York; Joffrey Ballet Company; Eliot Feld Ballet Company via his international fan club site.
I think Patrick S. had to quit football due to his career... or something. I just know I missed the opportunity smashing him the next year when we played Waltrip. Patrick's brother, less famous, taller was skating the Houston Galleria Ice Rink one night 1970-ish when I and my sister and others were there ice skating. I skated up beside him and said "my sister goes to your mom's studio.” He replied "Oh, yeah?" Then I said I was having trouble ice skating... and he said: "You just move... let your body move, and he showed me extremely gracefully how to move the body and the feet naturally follow." Of course I was there to get his attention for my older sister, but I remember him as a genuinely nice guy, lanky but extremely graceful.
Too bad Swayze can do no better than play a part he is not suited for. He should be doing re-makes of Ginger and Fred movies.
My conclusion: Patrick Swayze was in a music video about Roxanne?? Or sort of a Jet/shark street fights knockoff. He was great in that role. The girl I recognized from the Swayze Studios, she was a bit too classy for the role in the music video... but those two should never have separated. Actually I think she might have married him; they would have danced their way to the 21st century. Dance Fever; American Idol; Celebrity boxing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reality shows!!!!!!!!!!!! CTUOnline~/... instead Swayze is a cross-dressing , lonesome broke cowboy, serial killer on death row. I cannot believe the Swayzes aren't among the incredibly rich walking self-loathing today, 35 years later.
P. Swayze is one out of about five millions of us who are famous for no other reason than we grew up strong, married the right person, had great kids cars and dogs, and have paid all our taxes. I cannot relate to Swayze's roles in movies. Something needs to be said for working class and how it is not represented anywhere. I cannot remember a working class actor since....? The movie career of Swayze: what a waste of time and talent.
That's my report from the middle.... here in Bryan, Texas, "...where the women are strong, the men are good-looking, and our children are all above average." Patrick Darnell
Swayze MOVIES: This is scary to think about:
Skate town U.S.A. - "Ace" 1979
The Outsiders - "Darrel Curtis" 1983
Uncommon Valor - "Kevin Scott" 1983
Grandview U.S.A. - "Ernie (Slam) Webster" 1984
(Patrick and Lisa choreographers)
Red Dawn - "Jed Eckert" 1984
Youngblood - "Derek Sutton" 1986
Steel Dawn - "Nomad" 1987
Dirty Dancing - "Johnny Castle" 1987
Tiger Warsaw - "Chuck (Tiger) Warsaw" 1988
Road House - "Dalton" 1989
Next of Kin - "Truman Gates" 1989
Ghost - "Sam Wheat" 1990
Point Break - "Bodhi" 1991
City of Joy - "Dr. Max Lowe" 1992
Father Hood - "Jack Charles" 1993
Tall Tale - The Unbelievable Adventures of Pecos Bill - "Pecos Bill" 1994
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar - "Vida Boheme" 1995
Three Wishes - "Jack McCloud" 1995
Letters from a Killer - "Race Darnell" 1998
Black Dog - "Jack Crews" 1998
Forever Lulu (aka Along for the Ride) - "Ben Clifton" 2000
Donnie Darko - "Jim Cunningham" 2001
The Green Dragon - "Sgt. Jim Lance" 2002
Waking Up In Reno - "Roy Kirkendall" 2002
One Last Dance - "Travis MacPhearson" 2003
(Patrick also Producer)
11:14 - "Frank" 2003
George and the Dragon - "Garth" 2004
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights - "Dance Class Instructor (cameo)" 2004
Keeping Mum - "Lance" 2005
Jump! (filming completed June2006 - now in post-production) - "Richard Pressburger "
[PD MPW, 12.2006]

Building a Small Business in Spectacular Times

• 
  
  
  Correlations and Questions: WAG for Nags, things to ponder while building your business
  by Patrick Darnell
  PIGGYBANK is actually an acronym for the frustrated academician who has been left behind by those who pander the reality found in hard statistical analysis.
  P.I.G.G.Y.B.A.N.K.
  “Patterns in geometric gain yield bountiful academic nosegays of knowledge.”
  Or,
  “Probably, investigation gives geographic yields to bolster against ineffectual knowledge.”
  
  P (Platonic’s) What may make the oriental culture so good at math, is the formidable task of learning the complexity inherent in their pictographic, written languages. Correlation: The number of pictographs in a language, or pictorial iconography may determine the height of that particular culture’s logic system.
  
  I (Interest) Tee shirt cotton & Denim, total sales and the advent of European Union for a one world uniform. Correlation: Just who makes all the denim, anyway? I want to buy stock in that company.
  
  G (Greed) Need for Casual Friday vs. the advent of the 32 hour work week. Correlation: The fewer hours worked in the week, the more hours one must spend doing side work, while others enjoy leisure-tronics.
  
  G (Gas Planets) Does the lag time in the Judicial system define its demise? Correlation: does the number of years the Judicial system lags behind technologic advances, relate to the number of years of stagnation in the US economy?
  
  Y (Yellow/Green Politics) What if possible to introduce a variety of aardvark into Texas to rid the prairies of red ants? Correlation: What quantity of aardvarks is needed to thrive in Texas to deter the spread of the red ant, by half?
  
  B (Bureaucracy). Why is Fiber-optics about the beginning of non-regulation of communications? Correlation: Do Communications ever return to the hands of the general public, who are party to size of optic bandwidth, available to communication moguls.
  
  A (Angst). What is the dollar amount per newborn child, with all variables of mortality figured in, that each innocent human owes on the US national debt at birth? Correlation: The inverse relationship of the interest payments on the national debt, to the increase in US population will make a pool, of how many taxpayers to pay into the coffers in the next twenty years.
  
  N (Nitrogen based fuel) How many carbon atoms are used in ignition of total SUV’s internal combustion engines throughout USA? Correlation: One SUV in a hundred will be outside the normal operating standards for air purity, and what is the ‘straw that will break the Ozone’s back? Is this true?
  
  K (Pawn to King) Yes, and, how many roads must a man walk down, before others will call him a man?
  
  Summary
  I have determined that while I have a crude knowledge now of the world just outside my understanding, that it is just that, a glimpse. I would stake much on the exponential increase in knowledge, as the middle ground of human’s wakes up to the expanding knowledge bases of every enterprise. Can an explosion of this magnitude be under-studied by, for example, me, the frustrated academician?
  
  Consider the decade in which we are living:
  
  Ahead of schedule, the statistics community has mapped the human genome.
  Before even a 386 could be decidedly put into a garbage dump legally, statisticians have put a Pentium Four in a package the size of a gnat’s eyebrow.
  My child’s Neo Pet has more processing power than the Mercury rocket program, of the 1960’s.
  There is an international space station orbiting the earth.
  I have forgotten more word processing than my children will ever know.
  
  Just a reminder, I will be there if you need a friend, only I might not have up to date information. Maybe that is also a disclaimer, if you later find a hole in my logic. Ciao.
  
  _______________________________________References/ Notes/ Links
  Why You Really Ought to Want to Love Your Work
  Part 1: Are You Working Long Hours on the Right Career?
  You Work Long Hours
  http://humanresources.about.com/od/motivationrewardretention/l/aalove_work.htm
  “The average American manager works 42 hours per week, but a substantial number of managers and professionals - three in 10, or 10.8 million people - work 49 or more hours per week. Of male managers and professionals, four in 10 work 49 hours. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics, May 2000 report, this number of working hours is substantially unchanged since 1989. More managers and professionals are working over 49 hours, but more are also working less which keeps the number steady.”
  
  “Comparatively, the hours that people work in non-supervisory or production jobs have steadily declined since the early 1960s in all categories except manufacturing, construction, and mining. In these jobs, hours have increased, according to the U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics Monthly Labor Review, July 2000. While the overall trend in working hours is down, with the average non-supervisory or production employee working 34.5 hours in 1999 as compared to 38.7 in 1964, this figure is skewed by workers in services and especially retail, who are working substantially fewer hours.”
  
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  STS-106/2A.2B • Atlantis Launch date: September 8, 2000Welcome to Spaceflight Now's comprehensive coverage of shuttle mission STS-106, the next flight to the international space station. This is your gateway to extensive, up-to-the-minute coverage and background information -- including detailed timelines, statistical data and real-time updates -- unavailable anywhere else on the World Wide Web. These pages will be updated daily to reflect the very latest information so be sure to check in often. Comments, suggestions and corrections welcome!
  http://www.genome.gov/
  Read the story behind the Human Genome Project, the NHGRI-led, international research effort that sequenced all of the genes in a human being, revealing our complete genetic blueprint and opening a new and exciting world of research in genetics and genomics.
  
  
  
  

Lemmy's Bobble Head

The Icon Status Think Tank, And, Review Board

One of the things that irks me is the way people throw the word “icon” around. So and so’s an icon. I has bothered me enough that I started using it a lot. Much to my chagrin, whenever I say something like; “Oh yeah, he/she is an icon“, the sarcasm is generally lost (somehow!!??) and people eat it up like it’s actual conversation.

ICON, Yes? by Jack Pribek, followed with Comments by Others

What is even worse is the phrase; “has reached icon status”. One minute-not icon, next minute-icon. Who decides when somebody has “reached icon status”? Well, I did some research (a lot of research, believe me) and, it turns out the answer is nobody. There is no organization or governing body that determines “icon status”. So, when you see the words, “has officially reached icon status”, it really doesn’t mean anything because, there is nothing official about it.

Until now, that is. [Article retrieved by Pat Darnell HERE]

Yes folks, this whole business of iconship has reached the point that somebody has to do something about it. Therefore, at great personal expense, I have established The Icon Status Think Tank And Review Board. It is now the official duty of the ISTTRB to determine if and when someone has reached icon status. This will undoubtedly prove to be of incalculable benefit to mankind.

The ISTTRB held an emergency meeting in the wee hours of this morning because this query was put forth.

Is this man…

an icon?

The initial reaction of many ISTTRB members was that Lemmy, might actually be too genuine an article to be considered an icon. If Lemmy is an icon then, that puts him in the company of many well-established icons that are on the far lame side of the dial. Lemmy is 61 years old and plays heavy metal. Lemmy, got kicked out of a psychedelic rock band (Hawkwind) for taking too many drugs. Lemmy, wrote “Ace Of Spades”. He does that thing where the microphone is over his head. The term “headbangers” was coined to describe Motorhead fans. Lemmy, has been getting blasted, inciting riots, screwing groupies and touring constantly since the 70’s. Do you really want to put him next to say, Bill Gates or an “icon” like Donald Trump.

But, there has been some mounting evidence. Motorhead won a Grammy. This, by itself, is not enough to garner icon status. There are plenty of Grammy winners that aren’t icons.

But then, this came across the wires.

“We’re very excited to be able to introduce the Locoape brand to the public with an iconic license such as Motorhead. Lemmy is an artist that defines modern hard rock and metal music.” said Locoape CCO, Michael Romano.” Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister is the first in Locoape’s ongoing Icon Figure Series.


I’m sure you now understand the reason for the emergency midnight meeting of the The Icon Status Think Tank And Review Board. Obviously many ISTTRB members were troubled by the fact that this is a transparent marketing ploy on the part of Locoape, using “Icon” as their brand name for action figures. Some viewed it as an attempt to usurp ISTTRB authority.

To Locoape’s credit though, they did choose to use Lemmy. I mean, if they would have went with Beck or Jeff Tweedy…..

Anyway after hours of heated debate, the ISTTRB came to a consensus. The Grammy, high profile, celebrity packed birthday parties; these were things that were already on the table but, the action figure was the thing that tipped the balance.

So, without further ado,

By Official Proclamation of The Icon Status Think Tank And Review Board…

Lemmy is an ICON

Now that the ISTTRB has this first one under it’s belt, they pledge to move ever forward. With a fully operational, high functioning staff of Google and Wiki savvy peons constantly scouring the 24 hour news hole for editorial uses of the word “icon”, rest assured no stone will go unturned.

Share and Enjoy: 

Tagged with: hawkwind, ISTTRB, motorhead fans, news hole, The Icon Status Think Tank And Review Board
6 Responses to “Icon, Yes?”
Ovidiu - GuitarFlame.com says:
March 22, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I guess the term is overused and it really depends in what situations you use it. If you speak about mainstream, icon means something and I guess it implies a certain level of visibility while in hard rock icon may mean something else. In this circle or hard rock, Motorhead and Lemmy are icons. Well, just don’t ask Michael Jackson’s fans about this…

Ovidiu – GuitarFlame.com’s last blog post..Your muscles remember what your brain forgot!

Reply
J says:
March 23, 2008 at 8:56 pm
It’s gotta be a “Bobble-head”


J’s last blog post..From the past; Speed Lives

Reply
Pribek says:
March 23, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Lemmy Dashboard Bobble-head would be way cool.

Reply
Metal Music Bands says:
January 13, 2010 at 1:16 pm
I’m down for a Lemmy bobble-head.
Metal Music Bands´s last blog ..January Gear Giveaway | Such Vengeance CDs & more

Reply
Greek_Way_over_the_top says:
March 23, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Subject: Report of the undersecretary on top of things

Dear Esteemed ISTTRB authority:
The Board asked me to find the roots of the underpinning complexities of the Icon award to Lemming. The first posit is “Who Lemming.” For which the argument for is a false negative:
“Lemming would have made a better dictator than did Sadam Hussein.”

I took it upon myself to try a secondary source literature search to determine if primary research should be pursued in the iconoclasm of Sadam Hussein by the iconoclast Lemming [slash] Motorhead. Besides being a spectacular example of present world situations, this review brings the best out of both antiquities, and modernity of 21st century. In other words these are very up-to-the-minute reviews with roots in Greek Christian Orthodox liturgies.
http://blog.rock-n-roll-action-figures.com/
The closest I came to a working definition of the roots of Lemming iconoclasticism is founded in his rigorous contextual argument for a celebration of the dead…

The propitiation of spirits is closely associated with the festivity for the dead. It is believed that from the very first carnival week the souls of the dead people return to this world. Days especially devoted to them are Saturdays (All Souls Days). On these days people prepare “colliva” (wheat boiled with cinnamon, sesame, nuts, pomegranate, raisins and decorated with sugar) and they offer it to everybody so as souls are absolved from sin. People visit the graves of their beloved people and they place on the grave specially made offerings of bread. The sanctity of these days is also shown by the fact that women abstain from all housework.
It is astonishing that dead people come up into our world and accept the offerings and the honours of the living during the spring festivities, when nature wakes up from its long winter sleep. At the memorial dinners called “makaria” apart from the “colliva”, pasta is also served.
There is an explanation for the obviously clashing concepts of mourning for the dead and the joy of Carnival activities. It is not a mere coincidence the fact that in the same period, at the beginning of spring, when Modern Greeks celebrate the All Souls’ Day, the ancient Greeks celebrated the Flower Festival (Dionysus’ feast). Both have a dual significance; they are feasts of flowers, of wine, of unrestrained enjoyment as well as the days of the dead.
The concept of death which permeates the whole carnival devotional activity, through rituals that take place on the wet soil, emphasizes the existence of many meanings in the symbolic representation of life itself: the wet soil receives the death but it is also the womb and the provider of all forms of life.

[MGSA-L] Paniyiraki -- The Feast of St. George in Arachova, Greece

As speculative as this is, the standard bobble head, or spring loaded capper as advised by “J” will definitely serve the festivities well. Also advanced notice of the All Souls Day parades must be included in the standard billing for Lemming’s arrivals and departures. There could be up to a million seekers in the peanut galleries out to have a peek at the prize. This is a large population of adulation for the Icon, and must be protected and promised secure arrival and exit.

As is often the case your Bohemian leader Mr J Pribek has presented timely discussion via this forum. It is after all Easter Day. Celebration follows a death, which is again from the earliest Lemming notes… a Greek revivalist argument for the Iconoclastic:

Easter is the largest, most glorious and favorite feast of the Greeks. It is related to promises of awakening and of overcoming of the infernal element (of death), of enslavement (including national) and of humiliation. The Greek Easter, the so – called Lambri, is a tribute to outdoor life, a ritual that seems to recreate the Flower festival (or Dionysian Festival) of the ancient Greeks. Ancient Greek memories survive through Easter traditions.
The mythical thinking proves that the ancient Greeks used to believe in the breaking down of the wall of death and in the transition and return of the livings from the world of the dead. These ideas are found in the myth of Hercules’ descent to Hades, Alcestis’ abduction from the underworld, the myth of Demeter and Persephone, Ulysses’ visit to Hades . . .)

There you have it: “…In the 19th century iconoclast took on the secular sense that it has today, as in ‘Kant was the great iconoclast’”(James Martineau; The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company)

Conclusion:
“A multitude was at the feast and there was little water
………………………………………………………
Three lissom girls together vowed to go and tell the dragon
-the boughs are laden with spring flowers
O dragon let the water flow, so revellers may quaff it”
…………………………………………………………….(from ‘Paniyiraki’) [a Michael Jaxson label...]

Reply
Pribek says:
March 23, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Well said, Greek.


BTW_ Bobble-Headbanger? Knucklebonz Dimebag Darrell Statue #1 Sells for Over $1000 at Auction!
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Hey Sheriff Joe: We Have an Orphanage here with a Budget Deficit....

'It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.'

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long
ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches,
is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the
inmates: 'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents
Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear,

But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes, So Shut Your Mouths!'

You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well.........

SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!
Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!

Maricopa County was spending approximately $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay.

The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog
shows.

The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78.

The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals.

I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand.

He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the Prison.

Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote.

Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens.
Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff.

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:
Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the 'Tent City Jail':
He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.
He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights Cut off all but 'G' movies.
He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.
Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get Sued For Discrimination.
He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel.

When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working ON My Chain Gangs.
He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value.

When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton......If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back.'

More On The Arizona Sheriff:
With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports:

About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 Degrees Inside The Week Before.

Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.

'It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.'

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: 'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear, But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes, So Shut Your Mouths!'

Way To Go, Sheriff!

Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it.

The RADIATORS: New Orleans

[Listen HERE]

The Power of the Weave
Retrieved by Pat Darnell

1988 Fish Head Music [c] | Zig-Zaggin' Through Ghostland, Ed Volker | Liner notes

...And so did the Drunk Uncle weave the tale of Ghostland to us Christmas kids, sitting on our nervous hands in the looming dark, our eyes growing wider as the whiskery words of the Drunk Uncle burned wider... "Ghostland, Ghostland! How can a poor mortal soul like me tell ye of Ghostland? It's the kingdom of the blind! Don't ever get lost in Ghostland. There are things that can see that you can't see!"

On our way home our winter shivers were not from the cold.

But it's Geronimo's tale that offers a way out to the lost in their dark hour of need; the medicine man avoided capture by scores of union soldiers for years and years because the soldiers moved in straight lines... Geronimo, he zigzagged!

He knew the power of the weave.

There's only one Earth, but the worlds we traverse are many. Blind Betty lights candles. There's wisdom in the wine; comfort for the fugitive. Oh, Drunk Uncle, there is a way out of Ghostland, and it's not a straight line.

To our mothers and fathers, and all the threads that led us here, we dedicate our song.
SAINT JAKE

Lyrics | Zig-Zaggin' Through Ghostland
by Ed Volker

One eye open, one eye closed
Jungle fever in the grip of my clothes
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep,
but He always gives it back to me.

Refrain:
Oh Yea, zig-zagging through Ghostland
Oh yea, call me the shadow when I move
Oh yea, zig-zagging through Ghostland
Who knows what evil lurks -- the shadows do.

Check my sergeant, now he got stripes
Roars like a tiger in the broad daylight
But he's just a sheep, deep in his sleep
That's when I make my midnight creep

[Refrain]

I'm running silent, I'm running deep
First thing you learn, ...
...you better not make a peep
And if you move in a straight line
Them ghosts 'll barbecue your behind

[Refrain]

Will Shade and his Tub Bass

Memphis

Silver Gelatin Print; 1960
by William Claxten

YouTube was a good idea... Bottom feed

YouTube and early onset Dinosaurism
by Pribek.net
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Tags: copyright, Google, Music Business, music industry, YouTube

"YouTube and early onset Dinosaurism" by Pribek was published on January 14th, 2009 and is listed in Editorial, Marketing, Music Business.

OK, this is the big buzz running through my Reader today; YouTube is pulling audio from user generated videos. From ReadWriteWeb.

A growing number of videos now appear without sound and with a notice that these videos contained “an audio track that has not been authorized by all copyright holders.” It looks like YouTube is starting to implement audio fingerprinting software that automatically removes licensed audio tracks…

….YouTube always contacted its users when it was notified of copyright infringements, but now, it seems like this is an automated process. Predictably, the commenters on YouTube are outraged about this new policy….

In most every article I’ve seen about this, there is an assumption that the “music industry” somehow unified to force YouTube in to yanking the tracks. I haven’t seen anybody entertaining the idea that YT (Google) is doing this of their own accord.

…Most importantly, this move by YouTube, even though it makes perfect legal sense, might quickly put an end to the culture of remixes, mashups, and parodies on YouTube….

…In the end, this new policy will only alienate YouTube’s users, while doing nothing to help the struggling music industry. It would make a lot more sense for the music industry to provide a blanket license to YouTube so that users could use copyrighted sounds tracks on their homemade videos, while the record labels (or the artists) could get a share of the advertising revenue.

The backlash against the music industry is so firmly embedded in the collective brain that everybody automatically thinks; “those evil, rotten bastards, they’ve done it again”.

I’ve found, on the whole, that people have a misconception about the music industry. People think it’s a lot bigger business than it is.

When you talk about YouTube, you are really talking about Google. Google is a big business. Google is a bigger business than the music business. Google is the only player that has made big time money from the web. They have done this by performance based ad revenue and controlling the flow of traffic.

Now, if you do a search for any musical act that is anywhere near legit, multiple YouTube links show up on page one. Go give it a try if you have any doubt. Google is directing huge traffic to YouTube and YT was getting huge traffic before Google bought it. But, YouTube isn’t making the dough. The ads in the side bar of the search page are the bread and butter. When it comes down to seeing the whites of their eyes, Google isn’t going to risk that bread and butter for a division that isn’t profitable. Culture of remixes, mashups, and parodies be damned.

And, that’s the problem with the blanket license theory. Google isn’t going to want to pay a blanket fee out of revenue that isn’t enough as it is. They would like it to be performance based like the side bar, search ads. That hasn’t proven to be efficient.

The C Word-Criminalization
It’s the buzz word du jour among digital pundits. We have criminalized generations of young people. No doubt they will be emotionally scarred and guilt ridden for cramming their iPods full of free music.

Gerd on YouTube’s recent play…

Ouch. This will really hurt. Everyone. The amateur film makers, the artists, Youtube, us - the users. Yes, sure, I know: synchronization [the use of music in a public audio-visual production] is subject to a license by the writer, publisher, label, artist (and another dozen of parties), no matter how small the use. That’s the law.
BUT: where will this by-the-book implementation of these laws lead us? The answer is: criminalization.

Who is criminalizing who here?

If you make a video of your three-year-old opening birthday presents and you sync it to Velvet Underground’s “The Gift”, you aren’t trying to profit from it, it’s all in good fun, right? See, you could do that as much as you want. The problem is when you publish it on YouTube, Google is trying to make a buck off of it. Even if there isn’t an add next to your “creative work”, your second cousin Marie might take a look, chuckle and, while she’s at YouTube, she might decide to check out a clip by Crosby Stills and Nash. And, if someone is looking for The Velvet Underground on Google, your innocent clip is going to show up in the search, even though it’s only had 149 views.

Who is making you a criminal, the music industry or YouTube/Google?

It seems like the same people that have no problem spouting that the music industry needs to quit clinging to dinosaur business models and embrace free range, on demand, digital consumerism, that they need to forgo the money as the the new business models “develop”; those same people get weak in the knees at the prospect of not letting YouTube/Google and the users have the Ho Hos and eat ‘em too.

Here’s the news; in this era dinosaurs become dinosaurs at light speed and YouTube is showing the symptoms. YT peeling the audio isn’t going to end the culture of remixes, mashups, and parodies. It will just morph; go elsewhere. The new media whizzes are fond of YouTube because all the traffic is there, tied together in a neat little package. And, I can understand that because it’s convenient. But, it can’t sustain if it’s not turning the bucks.

Have you ever been Abducted? -- and -- How do you know?

UFO
by Jack Pribek | November 12, 2007

Have you ever seen a U.F.O.?

Before Halloween, AP/Ipsos conducted a poll in which a little over 14 percent of the people said they had seen one.

Then Democratic Presidential hopeful Dennis Kucinich, said that he had seen one; At Shirley MacLaine’s place.

Today there is this from Breitbart.

UFOs may be fodder for comedians and science fiction but there was no joking Monday when a group of pilots and officials demanded the US government reopen an investigation into unidentified flying objects.

The 19 former pilots and government officials, who say they have seen UFOs themselves or been involved in probes of strange flying objects, told reporters their questions can no longer be dismissed more than 30 years after the US case was closed.

“We want the US government to stop perpetuating the myth that all UFOs can be explained away in down-to-earth, conventional terms,” said Fife Symington, former governor of Arizona and air force pilot who says he saw a UFO himself in 1997.

“Instead our country needs to reopen its official investigation that it shut down in 1969,” Symington told a news conference.

Symington read an appeal on behalf of the group of who came to Washington to recount their sightings of UFOs.

“We believe that for reasons of both national security and flight safety, every country should make an effort to identify any object in its airspace,” the statement said.

Here is what I wonder; Are Fife and this crew (not to mention Kucinich, MacLaine, Jimmy Carter…) part of that 14 percent or, is that number, in truth, a lot higher?

One thing I have done, quite a few times is, bring up the UFO question at a party where people were drinking. I would do this to deliberately sabotage the party for my own entertainment. I have never seen it fail. I’ve seen fist fights break out over the UFO topic.

It always seemed to me that UFOs were a polarizing issue, that half the people believed and the other half thought those people were nuts.

Maybe, half the people believe in UFOs and only 14 percent have seen them; I don’t know.

Maybe, people are more likely to fess up to seeing a UFO when they are drinking because, I don’t recall ever being anyplace where I asked; “Has anybody ever seen a UFO?”, that several folks didn’t say yes they had.

Personally, I’ve never seen one. I mean, I’ve seen stuff in the sky late at night that I couldn’t identify but, nothing that ever looked like a spaceship or the like.

UFO Compilation - The best video clips are here
###############################

therefore, Pat wrote this nonsense: If I prove the negative, does that prove the positive?
by Pat Darnell | February 6, 2008
UFO type symbols/codes appear in old paintings, and ancient art work passed down through the ages. Some images are set in stone. If I were to surmise, which is a nice way of saying “make a wild ass guess,” I surmise the fabulous flying machines do exist.

After some broke-back vascilating most of my life because my own dad used to say “Well, why aren’t there any pictures of UFO’s?” I made a decision later in life that the reason they don’t exist has more to do with a human trait, than the probability.

Life forms of earth’s surface, including us, have a tendency to stay focussed on the real estate surrounding them. As any earth trekking creature starts looking up, instead of around, this creature is bound to become some other’s meal. Even those of us who walk on two legs instead of four, we are prone to the same predator vigilance.

Say I start looking up more and more, at work, at school, at events: You know the name calling: “Head in the clouds; wise ass; eat up with a dumbass; Dreamer; slackard; queer…”

So let me explain from a pragmatic stance: I learned in design school to venture my gaze above three degrees over the horizon. You see Timmy, it turns out, humans rarely look higher than three degrees above the point where sky meets land. It is pretty much a given rule of thumb.

Therefore, UFO sightings are rare, due to spectators rarely looking up. I think the UFO pilots also know this about us: “Glick, keep that bubble above 4*, gleek, zzippp, ba-dunka dunk.”

Consider this as a standard proof, that we humans are architects of our own environments: therefore upper floors of high-rise buildings have no decorative elements, as the building height gets beyond the “pedestrian level.”

You might say: “What a load of crap.” Well, to prove this try going for a walk in Chicago downtown, and keep you head tilted up so you can see the upper floors and tops of the skyscrapers. Do it all day and at the end of the day let me know how your neck feels.

UFO phenom is above the President’s ability to view as well. Most presidents are looking out for assasins all the time. So,I feel that is why Geo W decided, because he is the “Decider,” to build a residence on the moon before 2020. He apparently wants to be the first to acknowledge ET living. I can’t blame him since he let every one in the free world down to become the hitman for the Saudi Kings, who own 7% of the US GDP.

Turn-about is still fair play, isn’t it? Someone showed W the big old full moon through an open window, and he is reported to might have said, “Anybody got squatter rights up there?”

http://demo.mappoint.net/lunarrealestate/earthtomoon.aspx

So, guys, UFO’s do exist. Identification, and comparisons and Who pilots them, would take some empirical frame of reference available to the general public.
_____________*~~~~~~~~~~~~~ @>
“Wow, look at that watermelon. ‘Scuse me, I gotta forage awhile… we’ll pickup here tomorrow.” >pd

Pat’s last real blog post..Real Issues / Real Candidates

Link | February 6th, 2008 at 10:52 am

This is Good

Retrieved by Pat Darnell


Catholic: It's the new Protestant! [SOURCE]
So much better than I thought it was gonna be! It's the New York Dolls video, Dance Like a Monkey "Cmon shake your little monkey hips, my pretty little creationist!" Via Hellbound Alleee.

Double Zoinks! Here is another great video: "Creation Science 101" by Roy Zimmerman. (Complete with ape noises!) This is a great song! Via my friend George, who never reads my blog because he is a total piss-ant.

The Bible Summarized by a Smartass has sprinted past the The 12 Minor Prophets, and promises to enter first leg of the New Testament with the Gospel According to Matthew! Time to mark your calendar for the main event.

I thought for sure that this had to be a joke, but no - it's on the level. It's the AMAZING! "Threat Alert" Jesus! The website is merely a graphic of the packaging, and nothing more. The text is extra-creepy funny, in a homespun but passionately credulous sort of way. "This incredible invention receives signals directly from the Dept. of Homeland Security anywhere within the continental U.S. and changes color the moment the national threat level is updated." According to the package, you will be protected through the "miracle" of technology! I am sure that it is updated via airport radio just like the new clocks are, but still..."Threat Alert" Jesus! Yipes!

A whole website devoted to Chocolatey Christian Goodness. Sorry, after filling the most recent Mark Foley order, they are all out of the Large Communion Boy Lollipops.

This is a teachers aid, the Visual Kit for The Blood of Jesus. You know, for the kids! Among the things that you get for $124 smackers are a Crown of Thorns, One Crucifixion Nail, Cat of Nine Tails Whip, Life-size Latex Heart Model, Cardboard Ark of the Covenant, and Instructions to Make High Priest Costume. My favorite is the "Chef's cap for High Priest's Crown." That would never look silly, right? via grow-a-brain

Because everyone knows that Jesus is all about winning at the slot machines and crap tables, for only 9.95 you can get your own Faith Chips.

Go and watch Jesus Swimming. Yeah, I know. That's all he does. OK, after doing that, guess what the Jesus saves bank does. Wasn't that fun?

I love this! Archie's Parables, (pdf) a Christian comic book. Riverdale High? Only Christians need apply! Go to page 18-19 for the official dating survey. Among questions like "Does Archie need a new car?" And "Should Archie forget about Veronica?" they sneak in about 20 god related questions, like "Do you believe that god know how we really feel inside?" There is some great stuff! At one point the only way that Jughead can only fall in love with a girl is by imagining that she is a hot dog (!), and Dilton would rather read a book than date a girl (!!). Is this really the message that we want to send our kids? Veronica = Bad, Betty = Good, of course. At one point everybody talks about who they would like to date, and Betty says that she wants to date god. Jeepers! Talk about stiff competition!

If only I could travel to a world where women and dinosaurs coexist. With the science of creationism, you dreams have come true! Check out CSICOP, the Observer, and New York Times. From No Smoking in the Skull Cave's messages.

This is what happened to Neocon Jesus! Perhpas the greatest Easter image yet, The Passion of the Peeps. Via Cap'n Dyke, Pirate Queen.

It looks like this link has changed since I last looked at it. It used to be about how to How to Stop an Alien Abduction, now it is just about Jesus and Aliens. Yay! Half Jeusus, Half X-Files. They also cover exorcism!

Not quite Father Guido Sarducji's "find the Pope in the Pizza," nor is it "where's Waldo." But the old internet standard, "Where is Jesus?" is always good way to spend a few frustrating moments.

Santa Claus and Satan's Cause walks hand-in-hand with Santa Claus: The Great Imposter.

Dieting the Jesus way! Sweatin' to the Old Testament offers info on the Christian diet. Some of the titles of these diets include: "Slim for Him," "Help Lord - The Devil Wants Me Fat!" "More of Jesus, Less of Me" "Body by God" and of course "What Would Jesus Eat?"

Test Tube Jesus was not the first Jesus to get frisky with a dinosaur, as you can see from this artwork of sex w/dinosaurs, it's far more graphic than we thought.

Could Spidey have joined the dark side? Can he really be aligned with the forces of "intelligent design"? Via Orac Knows.

To keep things in perspective, sing along kareoke-style with Eric Idle to The Galaxy Song from Monty Python's 1983 film The Meaning of Life.

Occam’s Razor

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible From: The Seven Pillars of Wisdom SOURCE

Mike Finnigan "Let Me See the Light"

not much to say about this one, speaks for itself-Finnigan is a B3 monster from Kansas, and what a voice....

Perot Offends Obama !!

This just in from our Springfield, Missouri correspondent Jack Pribek: "Go ahead Jack..."
texas
Thanks Moo; "I have received the following text from an anonymous source (I think it was this steel guitar player I worked with in a band called "Fo' Screamin" Crackas, that collected Hummel figurines) regarding something on your site that had to do with Ross Perot-Barack Obama?"

"Jack: Would that have been Dimebag Darrell?"


"Can't remember Moo, but here it is, as I got it:"


Wow, this is spooky man-you know what I mean?
I was on my way to a gig at the Best Western way up in Otterbutt, Minnesota one time (mid 80's??) and I stopped off, as I was in the habit of doing whenever I was in that particular neck of those particular woods, at a place called Zap's Tap, somewhere near the Wisconsin Dells for some onion rings and Jagermeister. It was late and the place was empty all except for one table full youngsters. The guys were wearing cardigan, knit sweaters and the girls were sporting pleated skirts. There were half-eaten burgers, left on plates, strewn about the table, somebody evidently thought that the paper napkin in the water glass gag wasn't passé 'cause there were two or three of those.


A couple of them were smoking. I saw a crumpled up pack of Newports that someone had knocked to the floor and didn't have the courtesy to pick up. Newports, for the love of Pete! They were acting really rowdy, had a "Up With People" on a caffeine jag going on.Sally, the waitress with the scrambled yellow hair, winked, in a salacious yet, for some reason, to me, a repulsive manner. Clearly, she had fond memories of my last visit and the afternoon we spent Riding the Ducks, that were not mutual. I decided to change the subject before the subject was brought up.

"What's the deal with that bunch", I said, glancing at but not turning towards, the table in the corner.
"Oh them", she said, her eyes showing subtle disappointment. "There's a big youth group, up from Chicagoland (a boorish term that furthered my mood of contempt, I mean, it's ridiculous, Chicagoland-makes the noble hog butcher to the world sound bush league; you don't ever hear Omaha land or, Bakersfield land do ya?) staying at [Picture left: one of the hog butchers's daughters, Norma]old man Hanacek's place over by the marina. I think this crew must have separated from them."

Then she cocked her head and whispered, "I just bet ya' they're breaking curfew".

"Bring me the usual Sally, and don't stop to sniff the daisies, I got places to be."

[Picture right: Banacek's Place]

"You got it Big Daddy", she made a crisp turn and headed for the kitchen with her smile returning. Some broads like the rough stuff, I guess.

I turned my attention to the corner table, something just didn't add up, ya' know?

There was a tall and lanky black kid that was obviously the ring leader. He was holding a Carlos Castaneda book, up high, in his left hand and reading aloud to his adoring audience."Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use.", he read, and the boys grinned sheepish, the girls twittered.

[Picture left: a busking bagpipe player]

"A man of knowledge lives by acting, not by thinking about acting." He said slightly louder now and the girls started to swoon. One young man laughed out loud as if gaining some confidence.

"It's better to get something worthwhile done using deception than to fail to get something worthwhile done using truth.", he stated, his confident baritone voice now booming, and the whole bunch of 'em erupted in uproarious laughter, like it was the funniest damn thing they ever heard.

One more, and pandemonium will break out; one more and there's gonna be a riot goin' on. I can feel it, I thought in utter, amazed silence.

Just then, behind me, the door swung open and a gust of icy Wisconsin air blew forth silencing the mob. In walked a 6'9" man of Samoan heritage, with an unsteady gait. Our paths had crossed before. Horst, the cunning and openly gay chauffer/ bodyguard of none other than Ross Perot.

I don't know why but, I sensed trouble.

As if on cue, the jukebox fired up of it's own accord and started playing "Celluloid Heroes" by the Kinks.

"Don't step on Greta Garbo as you walk down the Boulevard... She looks so weak and fragile that's why she tried to be so hard"

The walking, living, breathing, entity of a Napolean complex that is Ross Perot made his entrance. Now, you know that R.P. and I used to rub shoulders back in the day, moopig, before that business with the Canadian Customs Official, before the falling out. And, you also know that the little munchkin usually had half a bag on most of the time. This time though, was different. This time, moo; he was ripped to the tits and wasn't making any effort to conceal that fact.

"If you covered him with garbage, George Sanders would still have style", the old Seeburg box blared before being censored with a well placed and swift shot from Horst's right Doc Marten.

As Sally dropped her sampler platter full of battered mushrooms and mozzarella sticks, that she had every intention of packing away during her 15 minute break, behind the steam table, Perot let out a whoop and in a nasal, shrill, abrupt speech pattern normally attributed to those native of Odessa, Texas shouted; "Woohee, what the hell is going on around here? Can't a billionaire get some biscuits and gravy?"

[^Picture right: this is our waitress Sally^]

"How the hell do y'all live around these parts? Don't you know there's a whole planet down there that's warm"?

He was pissed as a potter. I checked the table in the corner. Total silence and wide, unblinking eyes. The cocky young man, the ramrod of the bunch, was now meek and confused. Perot must have seen me looking over there because; he fixed a wobbly gaze on the young alpha.

"Dammit," I thought, "I should have done something, created a diversion. These kids may be unpleasant to me, even rash but they don't deserve this."

Perot stepped forward, towards the youth group refugees. As he sauntered, he looked around the table, winking at the heavy-set plain girl with the colorful, thrift shop beret in her mousy, brown hair; she shuddered. The pint-sized over achiever, stopped abruptly, focused his attention on the tall, lanky, young man with the once confident baritone, and eyed him from head to toe, as if he were sizing up an opposing corporate raider who was foolishly plotting a feeble and fruitless power play. "What you reading there son?"

"It's a book". The young man attempted sarcasm but fell very short and came off intimidated.

"Let me see that", said the diminutive baron as he grabbed for it, displaying quickness that defied his besotted state."Well lookee here, Carlos Castaneda; good old Carlos. You see this Horst? Carlos freakin' Castaneda. Well, I'll be horsnwaggled and dipped in shit!" His reedy voice lower now and staring into the young, future Senator's eyes, the mini mogul said;

"Guess what son, I know all about ol' Carlos. And, I know you kids think he's cool and all that, like to stare at the stars don't you boy? Y'all like to take your mescaline and howl at the moon, don't ya' son? Like to see vapor trails and such. How about this one Sparky? Vision quest my ass! What do you think of that, you pinko? Yeah I know old Carlos, and guess what? I even sold a car one time, it was a damned Buick. Want to know something else, he didn't make the last three payments. He still owes me money but, hell, that ain't no thing. Half the freakin' world owes me money, don't they?"

Almost in a whisper the tiny, pecunious tyrant said, "don't you know who I am, son? Don't…you…know…and, his face started turning beet red. Louder now; "I'm Ross Perot-Ross…Freakin'…Perot. Got that? And, I'm going to enlighten you, kid. Your hero here, your darling, the author of this piece of crap, my old pal Carlos was queer as a football bat!!"

Jack, excuse us, so that is as queer as a five-legged, two-headed heifer, with a nut sack?"

"That's right, you hearing me! Let me clarify it for you."

At this very moment, the prosperous dwarf threw the book back on the table and stomped on the ground with one foot. He reared back, took a deep breath and let loose with a shrill, deafening, trumpet fanfare that came from the icy depth of his blue norther of a soul: "Carlos Castaneda was a FOP!!!"

The young man looked beaten, suddenly wearied by the world. Out on his feet. Trembling and frightened; what could he do?

[Picture left: Obama's Kenyan rite of passage portrait]

There comes a time once in every man's life when it's put up or shut up, feet to the fire, do or die. It was a turning point. He did what he could to gather himself. I could tell that it took more fortitude than he knew he had in him. He slid his chair aside and took a few shaky steps toward his abbreviated adversary. In a tone that was now shaky, he looked down into the eyes of evil and said; "You sir, have offended me."

Time froze but, only for a moment. Horst leapt to his feet, the top button of his, short sleeved rayon shirt festooned with the "native birds of Paraguay" popped off and slid across the tile floor exposing the freshly graying and matted hair of his brawny chest. Unbelievable how fast the big man could move. Perot shouted; "Hold it there, back off sport".

"Nothing to see here, no cause for alarm." He looked at Sally, looked at me and concentrated once again on the young man from Chicagoland.

"You know what, Horst? I kinda' like this kid. Yeah kid, I like you. You came up hard, like me. You got some grit. Why don't you come over here and join me for some biscuits and gravy."

[Picture right: Dramatization of the event]

It was one hell of a Wisconsin night, I'll tell you that, moo. I never seen the like before or since. It was a night when the gauntlet was thrown down and young man stood at the crossroads. And, I'm here to tell you moo, that that young man answered the bell in the 13th round. Yep, I knew right then, that this kid has a real future. So, bottom line, the legend is true moo. For, I was there to witness it..." fin

"Ross Perot and Barack Obama have been in the same room, indeed they have and; it was a night to remember."

So we have received this report via Jack Pribek. Thanks Jack, that's one RAK for you: and, MooPig editors have posted an altruistic donation to the loving memory of Dimebag. They cannot start to thank this young man enough for his bravery in coming back to meet with you there in Blue Cut, Missouri, to present this historic report posthumously. >ed